When you first move to a foreign country, there are inevitable surprises. Things you think of as common sense are not always congruous between cultures. Hello, culture shock!
I wrote this blog to help lesson some of those surprises for those who plan on coming to China or are just plain interested in Chinese culture. My Chinese acquaintances are always asking me, "what's different between the U.S. and China?" It's such a challenging question because there are so many facets of life that are different! Usually, I can't give them a straightforward answer. Of course, lots of things are the same as well, but there are enough differences that I think I could come up with an endless list if I had the time. So, let's dive in~
FOOD-
Let's start with one of the hardest cultural hurdles when moving to a new country: eating. For me, I love most Chinese foods whether it's cooked by the school cafeteria, my Chinese mom, my husband, or a restaurant. However, there are a few that I just can't handle the sight, thought, taste, or smell of. Let's take a little tour of He Fang Jie (河坊街)-a traditional marketplace in Hangzhou selling many local goods and foods on the street.
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| Probably my least favorite Chinese food to look at: chicken feet. P.c. to my best friend Cristina, who when visiting China, had the guts to go around and intimately photograph all these unusual foods. |
I don't know, but my husband can't get over the fact that I refuse to eat chicken feet. I have clear reasons why I don't want to try it. For one, I don't want to eat something that was once walking all over. Two, I've watched way too many Chinese people struggle to hold it with chopsticks while they're eating the feet, and if they're having trouble with chopsticks, I definitely will. Three, what's the point? There's so little meat on a foot.
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| Heads are no problem, in fact, they're sometimes more expensive than the other parts of the animal! |
Interesting fact: the fish's head is the most expensive part of the fish to order at a restaurant, so if you want to show off your wealth, you order fish head(s) for your guests.
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Anyone care for some coagulated blood?
I think it goes without saying that eating blood just sounds weird. Especially in the solid form as shown above. |
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Probably the stinkiest of all Chinese foods-stinky tofu, a fermented tofu that is then deep fried. This one I've had, and while I wouldn't eat it again, I can say that the smell is much worse than the actual taste.
Yum, who doesn't enjoy smelling the equivalent of a sewer while they eat? Eating stinky tofu once wasn't the end of the world but when there are so many other BETTER things to eat, I can't justify eating it again.
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| Chinese have weird ideas about Western food. For one, this spaghetti is missing any cheese. Secondly, why is plated with whipped cream and chocolate? |
Not enough space for all the plates on your table? The waiter/waitress will start stacking them.
This is not usually a problem at mealtime unless you're at a wedding, (in which the amount of food is usually way too extravagant.)
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| Used to having dessert? The Chinese aren't, especially after dinner. This sweet treat was from when we went to Hong Kong where Eastern and Western mentalities collide and sweet shops flourish! |
When I'm at home with my husband, our dessert is usually a small aloe-flavored yogurt each. No ice cream, no pie, no cake. Occasionally we eat some imported chocolate wafers because Lu loves them. When we're out and about, I'm always prone to stopping to get ice cream or coffee because usually my throat gets sore from shopping in the dry mall air or outside in the (often) stifling heat.
NOISE LEVEL-
Even if you've never stepped a foot into China, you're likely to know that Chinese have a reputation for being loud. Why? Because Chinese tourists make it to every corner of the globe and bring their customary high noise-level with them. I can't tell you how many times I've overheard people talking in very loud voices and I was afraid they were having a huge argument and then I see them laugh and pat their partner heartily on the back. It wasn't a fight at all, it's just passionate conversation. Maybe it's my American heritage, but when I hear people raise their voices, I assume sh*t's about to go down.
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| Three of the elementary school kids I teach English to. They have more energy than I can handle most days! |
I tutor four elementary school students in English once a week. They're very bright kids but I also can't vouch for their listening skills. They all prefer my attention individually, pulling me in four different directions at a time and demanding spelling or grammar help in loud, persistent voices. When I first started teaching them, I shhh'd and shhh'd trying to get them to lower their voices to a "classroom level" but I soon realized that this must not exist in Chinese schools as their voices would soon return to normal "Chinese" levels! As you might guess, I now allow them to use their normal voices in class, but if it gets too loud, I will quiet everyone down.
TRAFFIC-
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| Traffic jams go with Hangzhou like white on rice. |
If you're anything like me, traffic is something you don't pay huge attention to in your home country, but once you venture out, you realize how different driving styles are in different countries. The first time I came to China and got into a cab with Lu I thought my life was going to end right there in that cab. The driver peeled out into traffic without a single glance over his shoulder to check his blind spot. We swerved in and out of traffic at an alarming speed and the driver wouldn't let off his horn, honking at other motorists and even pedestrians. I was horrified.
Since then, I've become scarily accustomed to taxi-drivers' insane methods of getting from point A to point B in the fastest time possible. Uber is illegal in China, but many young people still use it as it's cheaper than taxi service. One memorable Uber ride I took with some friends, less than ten minutes into our journey, we ran into a one-lane road with a taxi parked halfway in the middle. It seems that people were trying to enter the taxi and put their luggage in, but it was not a good place to do this all. Our Uber driver, after waiting for ten seconds or so, started honking furiously, gave up, and just laid on his horn for at least thirty seconds. Just as I thought I was about to go deaf, he swore, unbuckled his seat belt, swung open his door, and stomped over to the taxi driver and rapped on his window. He proceeded to tell him off for at least a minute for blocking traffic. By that time, there was a huge, honking line-up behind our car, and our driver angrily slammed the door shut as the taxi finally pulled away. I was afraid to be in a car with an angry driver, but luckily after some apparent complaining (I can't understand enough Chinese to know what he was saying), he got it out of his system.
The other HUGE gap between America and China is how they treat pedestrians. In WA state, where I'm from, we have very strict laws regarding pedestrian safety. It seems that China is completely backwards. Motorists love to honk at people on the street all the time. This may be my biggest pet peeve about living in China. It's already damn loud in this country. The noise level of a honk while you're riding in a car is loud enough (heck, we use it in the States to use it almost solely to prevent an impending crash with another car, so it has to be loud enough to be heard inside another car.) Stop honking at me!! You're not only scaring me but causing me to go prematurely deaf. The worst of all though must be when you're walking/riding a bike in the designated pedestrian lane and a car comes up behind you, honking at you to move. Ugh.
Furthermore, when you're crossing at a crosswalk, don't expect anyone (except a public bus) to stop for you, even if it's the law. As I have, you'll learn to dash across the road when there's a small gap in traffic. For this reason, people jaywalk everywhere. There's really no difference for the pedestrian. Both ways of crossing are a gamble with your life. Even at an intersection when the pedestrian light is green, people turning right or making a u-turn have no chill. You need to play real-life Frogger (people younger than me might no understand this reference, I realize) and march across fearlessly. I have learned within my time here that because I'm a foreigner I literally have the ability to "stop traffic" with my looks. I guess people tend to stop and let me cross either because they are surprised, want a better look, or they don't want to pay the repercussions of hitting a foreigner! Still haven't figured out which reason it is, but it makes my life a tiny bit easier.
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| The case of no one wanting to sit next to you-on public transportation, in the cafeteria, anywhere. Well, at least I've got leg room! |
YOU'RE EITHER AN ATTRACTION OR NOBODY-
In every other part of daily life in China, you're surrounded by people, often standing very close to and touching you while you wait in line. There is NO such thing as a personal bubble in China, especially in a big city. The space you occupy rightfully belongs to everyone else as well. After all, the Chinese justify this intimacy as result of their overcrowded and overpopulated country. After people kept cutting me in line the first few months, I got pushy myself. Although I don't breathe down anyone's back or check out out people's groceries like some people do to me, I have learned that standing close is key. If you don't keep this close distance, people will assume that you're not standing in line (which is ridiculous in theory, but that's what my husband assured me.)
In addition, when I'm out and about in the city, I attract a lot of unwanted attention. At stoplights, I have people from all directions staring at me. Sometimes people twist their entire torso around on their bicycles/motorbikes so they can stare at me. Chinese have no shame in blatantly staring. If something interests them, it's fair game. Coming from a society where our parents teach us "it's rude to stare, honey," it feels very rude to be stared at. Little kids riding with their parents will tug on their clothes and say, "look, there's a foreigner!!" or sometimes their parents will point me out to their kids, like I'm some exotic animal at a zoo and say "Look at the foreigner!" Sometimes kids say "hello!" to me as they pass by and I usually respond with a "
Nǐ hǎo" because I want them to have a positive experience with foreigners.
Sometimes older men say hello to me, but I think it's a less genuine salutation, and them trying to get a rise out of me or show off to their friends, so I never respond back or give them the attention they want.
When going to famous places in Hangzhou, I've definitely had people taking pictures of ME instead of the sights. Usually people don't ask, they just snap away. I've had people sitting next me on buses and trains quite unabashedly take a picture of me. Every once in a while, if someone wants to take a picture with me, I'll oblige, but if they just want me solo, I'll tell them no. It's just embarrassing. I'm not a model, I'm not here for your entertainment. I'm just here to live my life. When you're pale-skinned with blonde and pink hair, it's hard to blend in. Most of the time, I just want to disappear from everyone's prodding eyes.
In stark contrast, when I'm sitting in a public place, strangers will actively try to avoid me. If I'm sitting on the bus next to the window and the aisle seat's open, strangers will go out of their way to ask someone seated in the aisle to let them into the window seat, climbing over them in an awkward scurry. Likewise, if I'm seated alone in the university cafeteria at a table for four people, couples will walk right past me trying to search for two seats together somewhere. Obviously there are three open seats at my table, but they look right past me like I'm something ugly brought up from the deep-sea. To be quite honest, instead of giving me personal space, I feel isolated and sad sitting and eating completely alone.
RACISM-
As a white person, I have not run into any racism myself in China. If you're familiar with the term "microagressions," this is how I would classify my experiences. To be honest, these aren't things to get worked up about. The prefix "micro" should be emphasized. Most of the inconveniences I experience are not due to racism, but just pure ignorance. The difference is that ignorance does not represent bad intention.
For example, when I first when out with my labmates to lunch, some people would exclaim when I started to eat, "How can you use chopsticks so well?!" Really, how I wanted to reply to them was, "If you were in a country with only forks and knives, would you starve or learn how to use a fork and knife correctly?" But, being a polite person, I'd never say such a thing. Honestly, I tend to find chopsticks even easier to use than a fork for many foods. There's actually a lot of dexterity when using chopsticks. So, I would explain to them, "When we eat Asian foods in the U.S., we also use chopsticks. Also, I lived in Japan for a year and now I'm living in China. That's why."
In the theoretical case that I weren't light-skinned, I think it is entirely possible that I would face flat-out racism. Chinese people seem to hold tight to stereotypes about people from African countries as "strong physically, but not good at academics," and that they "are lazy" and "don't apply themselves in school." It's not just one, but multiple peers that I've heard this from. It makes me sad that people of our generation in the twenty-first century still hold onto these ignorant beliefs. When they say these kind of remarks, I don't even know how to respond. I want to angrily refute them. Without justice, how will their thinking change? But there's a time and place for everything and I don't think my lecturing will change their severely misguided beliefs. That change needs to happen within Chinese culture, and I just don't think China is there yet. With a ever-widening and international world, and international marriages like mine, I hope we can dispel racism.
One day, talking with my close Chinese friend, I found myself talking about the future. She asked me, "How many kids did you want?" "Two, we both want two," I replied. "A girl and a boy would be perfect." She said, "I know your kids will be so cute. Asian-American babies always are." I agreed, yes, I also thought mixed race babies had so much undeniable charm. The best of both worlds, as I like to think.
She then proceeded on, "Your babies will have such pale skin instead of yellow and will probably have dark hair and eyes, so they'll be very pretty." I then explained to her, "I don't care what color their skin is. I know Chinese society places very high standards on 'beautiful' white skin, but I come from America where people are used to every shade, shape, and size of person." She then went on, "Yes, but if you had black skin, I really don't think your babies would be as cute. You know?" I reassured her, that no, I think they would be just as stunning as any mixed-Asian. "Skin is just skin, you know?" I rebutted. "We're all human. Except for the amount of melanin in there, there's nothing different." And then she proceeded to say the most ridiculous misconception I've ever heard: "Black skin is tougher than white skin." I clarified, "You mean, because it doesn't sunburn as easily?" "No," she said, "it's actually tougher and feels rough." "It's not smooth like yours or mine."
In the end, I reassured her that black skin is no rougher or tougher than anyone else's. After all, she admitted to never having felt a black person's skin herself, so how would she know? I grew up on the East coast of the U.S. and many of my classmates were African-American. I know I must have touched their skin while playing. There's obviously no difference. But this is the kind of ridiculous notion that persists here. It's a sad reality. If I weren't white, would I have even become friends with her? Who knows... I guess I shouldn't dwell on "what-ifs" but it's hard not to.
Sorry to end on such a remorseful note, but hey, it feels good to vent. If you're reading this from any country of the world, I wouldn't let these differences discourage you from coming to China, no matter what your background or skin color. I truly believe anything can be overcome with a positive attitude and a large dose of patience. Except chicken feet. Don't go there.
Hope to publish a part two to this post soon. Thanks for all your support, I love you all!
Let me know your experiences with culture shock in the comments below.
Josie
